Tasmanians: Think Before You Cringe

I am a native New Yorker who has been living in Tasmania since June. I’ll say it again in case you misread me: I am a native New Yorker (real New York- not Queens) and I have been living in Tasmania since June. Luke Hortle’s piece was hilarious, but his inclination to “cringe”, and his Tassie shame, Tazshame if you will, is uncalled for. New York is like that group of kids who smoked behind the school at lunch time. New York is illusively cool, but once you get into the in-crowd, your perspective will change.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: “New Yorkers” are masters of disguise. The ones who make you feel inadequate are generally not the real New Yorkers. I won’t name drop, because its tacky, but my best friend’s father is a very famous musician and I distinctly remember him walking around in overalls and tan-colored jelly sandals. Real New Yorkers are not glamorous or intimidating, they are simply tired and long for simplicity. Hence, why I am living in Tasmania right now. Being hip is exhausting. I’ve actually noticed that Tasmanians (namely Hobartians) put a lot more effort into their clothing, hair and makeup than my New York counterparts. Shit, I look like a slob next to y’all.

I will name drop just once, but only to make a point. I have been to Paul Auster’s house but I had to take the subway there and step over tramp barf to get to a clean seat. Does that sound so glamorous? It is in a way. But the “real” New York is gritty, and difficult. You often have to tune out the crowds and noise to focus on where you’re going. You think we all walk around like goddamn tourists taking in the romantic hustle and bustle of the city? No. I am romantic about New York for two weeks when I return from Tassie and then I’m back to the starbucks slurping, adderol popping bitch I was before.

Don’t cringe. Be proud of who you are, Tasmania. If New York is the cool kid who smokes behind the school at lunch time, Tasmania is that bizarre, beautiful girl who is beautiful without trying. Just trust me on this one, cool people never look cool. Being an interesting person takes time and effort. No one who took 45 minutes to cuff their jeans perfectly ever had anything much to say.

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